I hate cake...

If the statement you get what you want in life is true then apparently I have ignored the fine print that clearly states that what you want is not always what you need.

His name is Jason and from all outer appearances he is the perfect guy, late twenties, attorney, funny and easy to be around. We've done just about everything from the museum circuit, fancy dinners, theatre, to evenings with friends debating the silly little things in life that matter the most...and I even allowed him to partake in a trip to that special place where I go when I need to recharge...the Marc Jacobs store here in the village.

All is finally coming together, right??

Well, no, honestly the chemistry is not there and I am left wondering what the hell am I looking for?? I recently completed The Tipping Point by Malcom Gladwell and there is a part that mentions how even the most casual conversations between two people is like a dance. Our response to the others voice from shifting our body to a belly laugh or a touch of the arm shows that the sound is pleasing to our minds and we want to be surrounded by it as much as possible, I realized that with him I don't dance, I respond to what is being presented to me and nothing else.

What's a guy to do?

A good friend of mine believes that relationships are boring in essence, meaning that there is no drama, no miscommunication, no judgements, it is just two people that come together and build a foundation for some greater experience in life. Although I agree to some extent, I have to argue that the great thing about building is the thrill of watching something grow from nothing but what happens when there is no thrill? You are left with an mundane piece of architecture and when was the last time any of us made a point to go check out that new boring building that just opened downtown? Oh well..I'm sure it will work itself out and I can move on to ending the next relationship.

In other news, since my last posting I have finished reading three books, not only a personal record for me but also clearly a reflection that right now literati is what seems to make me dance at the moment. The selections were Sula (Toni Morrison), Unlubricated (Arthur Nersesian) and The Tipping Point (Malcolm Gladwell). Sula and Tipping Point were heavily filled with metaphors which I found not only enjoyable but attached to as I think the metaphoric portion of my brains clearly rules in the space between my ears. Unlubricaed was a fun read of a struggling actress trying to get a play off the ground so nothing really ground breaking. Up next is Haunted (Chuck Palahniuk and NYU alumni), Dry (Augusten Burroughs) and the Plot Against America (Philip Roth). I am also trying to work on adding music to my blog as I have discovered some really great bands and would love to have them listed as my song of the moment or something to that effect. Also speaking of music, I will be attending my 2nd concert ever in my life (no judgements) on September 16 at Webster Hall...I'll be checking out Zero 7 with a friend and words can't describe how excited I am to be able to experience an evening of their beautiful music live...hopefully Ill have a post before and after....

Uncharted Manhattan...

Having had my fill of downtown Manhattan, I decided to escape to the safe refuge of uptown Manhattan. I visited the Cloisters this weekend at the invitation of a friend and was thoroughly surprised as feeling as though I had escaped to the country for the weekend. The Cloisters are at the most northern tip of Manhattan and there are miles and miles of parkland with the centerpiece being a cathedral's museum that is an extension of the MET.

I met my friend at his apartment, which is located at 145th/Broadway. This was the furthest uptown I had ever been since moving to NYC and the first thing that I noticed was how much stimulus was everywhere as soon as you got off the subway. The same can be said for downtown at times but with it being the summer all of the downtown ballerinas are usually off to weekends in Fire Island or the Hamptons, but this was a different energy, and the mixture of races, sort of made me feel as if I had discovered Manhattan pre-gentrification. Anyhow, my friend and I had lunch and then jumped on the bus up to the Cloisters where it was an incredible afternoon of conversation while viewing medieval European art. The forementioned friend is 28, an attorney and someone I met at a speed-dating event I recently attended (no judgment). We have gone on maybe 5 or 6 dates and although I am far away from declaring being someone's boyfriend, it is nice to be with someone that enjoys the company of someone without pretense. Afterwards we had dinner and watched some TV really late and discussed the pros and cons of Kate Moss's getting caught snorting coke. On the train ride home this morning, I felt as though I was watching that energy slowly drain away as the train approached my stop and I was back in the world of make-believe relations, name dropping, and endless chatter of real estate, oh Downtown Manhattan, whatever are we going to do with you??

In other news, I am on the final pages of The Amazing Adventures of Kavelier and Clay, it a 600+ page book of friendship love(gay and straight) and life's constant struggles all based around comic books. I googled searched and a movie is in the works and should be released in 2007 with it being reported that Natalie Portman will be in the role of Rose a main character in the movie. Once completed with this, I will begin Unlubricated which I have put off far too long and is a short read.

Lastly, I have been given a promotion at work recently and it is something that comes with mixed emotions. It is still so new and everything is still so early that I can't believe that I actually got it. Once the dust settles a bit more I post more details until then....

The week that was....

The weekend is upon us and I am sitting here outside the closet...the heatwave has passed and it looks as if its going to be a beautiful day. My phone is off because I am broke and I am kind of enjoying the quiet time alone. I love my friends and my family dearly but for some reason I just feel as if I need a break from everyone and everything. I finally wrapped up The History of Love and it was a good book about how a book written years ago can affect generations not even in existense. Not really sure what I will read next, the Jane Austin classice Pride and Prejudice or Unlubricated a story about a struggling actor. Oh well not really inspired by much to continue writing.

A little sunshine goes a long way....

Very uneventful weekend of just hanging around the city, Friday night went to a terribly cute little restaurant in SOHO with my best friend and dessert in the west village and drinks at G where I introduced a guy that asked me out on a date to my friend but he abruptly left...guess he wasn't really feeling apart of the conversation despite our numerous attempts to try and include him. We left G and headed to the village for more drinks and dancing until 4 and I came home and crashed until late afternoon Saturday where I met another friend for dinner and convo which was really nice to be in the company of others again after spending a few weeks mooping around the closet.

The highlight of the weekend was checking out "Little Miss Sunshine" with a friend. Think Royal Tennebaums meets The Griswold family vacation with some very modern updates and you get an idea. At times I found myself laughing as well as well as crying and left feeling that I was given a little ray of sunshine to take away with me. The movie deals with some very serious issues such as suicide and disappointment just to name a few. All the characters are superb and no one shines above the rest, it is something that I highly recommend and look forward to adding to the collection once it arrives on DVD.

In other news, I have wrapped up my 4th book a classic by Hemingway (The Sun Also Rises) although this was a very short read, I was disappointed from start to finish with this novel having never felt a connection to any of the characters and only continuing to read to get to the end. My latest selection is The History of Love and I will be adding a review of this book once completed.

That pretty much wraps up the weekend, I need to head to sleep for what I am sure is going to be a very hot and grueling week ahead.

This is my heart, and it's broken....

A while ago I wrote about the sensation of love (see archives) and I am pleased to report that I finally had the opportunity to experience this sensation. Although brief and extremely rocky it was everything that I had hoped it would be and every moment I was in entrapped in this emotion, I savored it for I knew it would end. It truly pains me to write this entry, my heart is broken, my spirit is crushed and time heals all wounds but time is an infinite things that keeps ticking toward the next moment. I never got to share half of what I felt inside for him to him and I will forever regret missing this opportunity. I believed he was a troubled soul and hoped inside that he would realize that his soul was all that I loved, I admired what he accomplished but never loved it, it is a material item that can be lost in an instant and although I tried to convey this feeling to him on several occasions, I don't think the message was ever fully received by him.

I have given him his wish of wanting to be set free and only hope that he finds in someone else that passion and inspiration I saw in him and now I only hope that one day I am lucky enough to experience that sensation again.

DaJaterlino calls it quits...

New, York, NY - June 29, 2006-Hot downtown couple DaJaterlino calls it quits after 2 1/2 months of dating. The couple met in their West Village neighborhood and took lower Manhattan and parts of the Caribbean by storm during their brief time together as an item. The couple had allegedly planned numerous trips together in and out of the city, all of which have either been cancelled or will only feature one-half of the former duo, but it is something that has not been confirmed by either parties.

"I went into this relationship completely open, honest and with no high expectations, but after being criticized for everything from living arrangements to the way I dress to finally the way I speak, I had to choose my personal happiness over that of someone that clearly could not find one positive thing in what I had to offer." D said in a brief interview after the announcement was made public that the couple had decided to part ways. In response, J has been quoted saying, "Yes I expected a lot going into this and it is unfortunate that D could not provide me with things I need to move forward toward taking steps to building a relationship, I wish him the best in overcoming all of the things that are hindering him from being the person I feel he could become."

The couple was last spotted in public together a week ago with having cocktails at a neighborhood establishment, but quickly departed ways after a stroll through Chelsea. Both have asked that their privacy be respected during this tough ordeal.

No wire hangers......

Having attended a film festival with the beau tonight (forgot to mention a gay film festival but who is hung up on details) led me to think about our tiny island and sexuality. There are very few places on the planet where a gay/lesbian chooses or more commonly are forced to run away to be able to live there life as they fully want to without much of the discrimination found in the so called heartland of America, which you have to wonder that if a majority of the citizens of a country's' so-called "heartland" are the same individuals that possess so much hatred, angry and ignorance toward someone that only wants to follow their heart, what does that say about that country? Getting back on track, being in attendance of this film festival with a room filled with fellow gay and lesbians, I couldn't help but to feel that to some extent we all left the cozy closet of the heartland for the gritty yet still ever confiding closet of New York.

There are very few places on the planet where one can live their life how they choose and when they chose than in New York City.

You live your life as a drag queen? Are you free for Canasta Mondays?
A sadist masochist lesbian with a thing for Asians? Hey neighbor, can I borrow a cup of sugar?

New York, to clarify, Manhattan proper, affords you the opportunity to be all these things and more (hoping to never find out what that more is) but at what cost? You leave this tiny island and poof you are back in that closet for fear of your safety, even if you venture out of your accepting neighborhood, to some extent you are back in that closet due to lack of acceptance in that part of the city...don't believe me, try holding hands with your boyfriend in the east 80s and tell me it's the same nonchalance as being in the west 20s. Also to some extent those that claim to have left the closet find themselves trapped in another type of closet filled with items purchased on impulse such as meaningless sex, fickle friends, and a deep sense of vain just to name a few. Others find solace in sharing their closet with someone special and together build a home out of the two spaces.

By no means am I saying I prefer one form of the closet over the other, I have chose the later of the two but hopefully there will be a day when none of that matters and the closet I live in here will be the same closet I am in no matter where my travels take me, but for now I need to brush up on my canasta abilities.

The envelope please....

There should be an award for people that are able to meet, date (and by date I mean getting to know more than what the other person genitals look and in some cases..taste like) commit and remain in NYC. In a city that "never sleeps" opportunities are ever present and to find someone else that can turn off the stimulus that drives the island is a rare occurrence. After months of, "call me sometime," "we should get together again," and the infamous "that was hot," I have managed to somewhat land into a "relationship" after a little over six weeks of hanging included a trip away. Why do I use somewhat?? Well realistic this is still the city where the inhabitants (included myself) have fine tuned the ancient art of neurosis so anything is bound to happen.

With that being sad...am I here to proclaim I have found my knight in shining armor that has come to save me from the confines of my closet on Perry? Is he the one in which day turns into night and night turns into day as we are unable to control the passion that boils over when we see each other? Does he finish my sentences before I can??

No

So what/why is it you might ask that I am writing about this particular guy? Well in the little span of this six week adventure I and to a some extent we (although I will continue to use my last name, my address, my way of thinking and anything related to or involving me) have managed to deal with issues on both sides ranging from an age differences (yes it is always exciting and pleasing to know where you were in life when I was just entering it) to points in life to issues involving currency and to me this is worth reporting. It is nice to have encountered someone that knows how to hold a name rather than constantly drop them, someone that knows what and where happens on a particular night of the week and doesn't feel like they have to be there and so on and so on. I'm not saying that my actions have warranted any kind of awards or any acknowledgements publicly but privately I am hoping one day to at least receive a small nomination.

Sugar is the new black!!

I have read about it...

I have thought about it..

I have done countless hours of internet search learning about it..

What you may ask what I am referring to? It is the sugaring treatment for body hair removal. As spring approaches, and hopefully warmer weather, I thought maybe this season I'll go completely hairless and see how it feels to be a walking fetus.

The whole process came as a result of reading a recent issue of Cargo magazine where one of the writers gave his account of the process. Below is my story...

I've been hairy, wait, no I am hairy. I was born with a fully functional body hair gene. If I remember correctly I had a full beard by the time I was in the 9th grade. Some would be envious of this ability, some repulse, I kind of fall right in the middle. I don't mind body hair, as long it is not on me or women for that matter. So having always had an abundant amount of this, I have long agonized on shaving, but try getting laid while hiding the bumps on your ass, or siting in a chair with stubble...its like sitting in a bed of thorns. Then there is Nair, which is basically acid in a bottle, take it off too soon and you've wasted your time, leave it on to long and watch 4 layers of skin get washed down the drain. Either way you are left walking around the rest of the day smelling like you just used Nair. Electrolysis and laser are a bit out of my budget right now so that leaves waxing and sugaring.

Sugaring is basically waxing but instead of applying the melted hot (or should I say scorching hell) liquid to your skin it is a paste that is applied and pulled off. I decided it was time for me to take the leap into the world of hairless. I booked my appointment very last minute and after discovering a place near my apartment, I called and before I knew it I was in the treatment room naked and laying on a strip of paper, the technician did allow me plenty of time to de-robe and get comfortable so when she entered the room it felt more like an old friend dropping by than the iron fisted lady of pain I had envisioned.

We said our hellos and the treatment began...believe it or not the pain was minimal and the entire process took about an hour during which I was in some pretty compromising positions with my technician. You are advised not to shower for a few hours after the treatment as your body is still sensitive so I spent the remainder of the afternoon sticking to my clothes but the feeling of no body hair was incredible a few days later after all the residue was washed away, I felt like a newborn man (no pun intended on the use of newborn). The treatment lasted more than 5 weeks and the regrowth was light and barely noticeable.

Would I recommend this to everyone?? No...but for me its the first time that I am truly looking forward to savoring sugar all summer long.

A Mesh of a Day...

It is amazing at how unhappy in life people are but suicide is relatively taboo when in some cases it should not only be encouraged but just as people are sentenced for committing crimes against others, people also should be sentenced to go to a place close the door and kill themselves for the better of mankind.

There is this client, a fat, bucket of utter wasted human parts. He is a meeting planner and is proud to claim that he has been one for 30 years...this means for the last 30 years he has perfected the art of assigned turned down amenities to people, this means for the last 30 years he has discovered pinpoint accuracy in how much punch should be served at the party, this means for the last 30 years his life has been a complete facade of supposedly world traveling on someone else's dime and at the beckon call to that person when the remote control in the guestroom can't be found.

It is not to say that I don't hold a great deal of respect for meeting planners, I do, in-fact any job that I can't see myself doing I have the most respect for. It is people like this fat sack of shit with whom I will never respect. Someone who is so miserable in life the only way to get through the day is to constantly verbalize that "this is of course business and not personal." Why would I take something personal from someone that I've never met and how runs his business out of the basement of his barn home with his half tooth daughter who is probably the hottest thing in town since the town's pigs are all be eaten by her dad.

This guy calls our office for a fucking postcard and yells and screams that it wasn't handled in a timely fashion. As if my entire day is to ensure that this shithead has a postcard to print a message on for another group of assholes to pretend hopefully conjure up excitement for a trip that is more than a year away. Yes, clearly suicide is the best choice for these people as it would probably be the best decision they made in their entire lives.

In other news, bloomingdales (another place that I will have a topic on very shortly) had a fantastic sale on my favorite underwear, the Calvin Klein mesh briefs, if you never scratched your balls with a pair of mesh briefs on then you have not experienced all that life has to offer.

Guy wise, I am shaping up to be quite the social butterfly (aka the whore that teases instead of offering it up) lately. Dinner plans have established for Jay (ex boyfriend from HS which is another topic I don't know if I could ever bring myself to talk about....actually I could). Douglass (aka the writer who played two pieces of Mozart for me and totally had me in a trance) a third guy is program in my cellphone but I think that may cancel. Ric, my older friend who is really sweet and just may finally help me to break into the PR field in the city (I'm so ready to quite my job and all the BS and move on to new BS at least in a field I want to be in) and Vincent a French lawyer to be attending NYU.

Yes it has been awhile and much has developed and more is forming but now my balls need scratching and I need to get some sleep.

Brrr!!!

It is damn cold here!

I know this is New York and I know that it is February, but it is so cold that I anxiously anticipate the gentle caress of summer. The days of waking up on a bright warm morning, showering and throwing a hot little couture item to run (strut) around the city in so carelessly, ok reality check...it is more like finding something clean that isn't to wrinkled from the pits of my closet. I know it has been a while since I have placed a post here and believe me this isn't due to a new guy in my life. It has been mostly due to travel (Paris), school (don't ask) and guys (don't ask but buy me a drink and I'll sing like a canary).

With things settling down and bit and with no end in sight to me ever actually having money, I felt that it is time for me to get better acquainted with this medium and posting the gong's on of a gay male in NYC.

Have a good night and more to share shortly!